Intended Parent Requirements — Married, Single, LGBTQ+

Intended Parent (IP) requirements—marital status, sexual orientation, and family structure—vary across the United States. Because surrogacy is regulated state by state, the rules for who can become a legal parent differ based on:

• State statutes
• County-level judge interpretation
• Whether donor gametes are used
• Whether one or both intended parents are genetically related
• Whether intended parents are married, partnered, or single
• LGBTQ+ parentage protections

Some states recognize all intended parents equally, while others require additional steps (like confirmatory adoption, second-parent adoption, or post-birth court filings) depending on your family structure.

Upstream decisions—especially which state your surrogate lives and delivers in—determine your downstream legal steps, timeline, and budget.

Who It Helps

This Guide Helps Intended Parents Who Are:

• Married couples (heterosexual or LGBTQ+)
• Unmarried partners pursuing joint parentage
• Single intended parents
• LGBTQ+ intended parents using donor eggs, sperm, or embryos
• International parents who need predictable parentage and passport timing
• Families using donor gametes, where legal parentage must be explicitly defined

When to Choose a Different Path or Extra Legal Steps

You may need a modified plan if:

• Your surrogate lives in a state requiring marriage for joint parentage
• Your home country requires genetic connection for citizenship
• A state requires post-birth adoption for non-genetic parents
• You are a single IP in a state that only issues PBOs to couples
• You are an LGBTQ+ couple in a conservative county with inconsistent judicial precedent
• You are using donor embryos, which trigger extra parentage paperwork

Step-by-Step (With Timing Checkpoints)

1. Pre-Match Legal Assessment

Attorney reviews your family structure and identifies friendly vs restrictive states.
Checkpoint: Create a list of states that support your parentage pathway before matching with a surrogate.

2. Contract Drafting (0–4 Weeks)

Clauses adapted based on:

• Single vs dual parentage
• Genetic vs non-genetic connection
• Donor gamete usage
  Checkpoint: Confirm whether a pre-birth order (PBO) is available in your situation.

3. Court Filings (Weeks 12–20)

Filing type depends on requirements:

• PBO for married or LGBTQ+ parents
• Post-birth order for single or non-married parents in some states
• Confirmatory adoption for non-genetic parents in certain counties
  Checkpoint: Judge assignment + hearing timeline confirmed early.

4. Hospital Preparation (Weeks 28–34)

• Inform hospital of who has parental authority at birth.
• Checkpoint: Delivery plan sent to L&D + NICU social worker.

5. Birth & Completion (Birth → 6 Weeks)

• Legal parentage finalized; birth certificate issued.
• Checkpoint: Start passport application ASAP for international parents.

Pros & Cons

Pros of States with Inclusive IP Requirements

• Predictable PBOs regardless of marital status
• Clear rights for non-genetic parents
• No forced adoption-style procedures
• Smooth hospital experience
• Faster document turnaround for international families

Trade-Offs / Limitations in Other States

• Marital status may affect timing of parentage orders
• LGBTQ+ couples may need extra filings
• Single IPs may face delayed birth certificate issuance
• Post-birth steps add cost and court visits
• More reliance on judicial discretion

Costs & Logistics

Common Legal Costs by Scenario

• PBO filing: $1,000–$2,500
• Post-birth order: $1,500–$3,000
• Second-parent/confirmatory adoption: $2,000–$4,000
• Extra attorney reviews for donor gametes: $500–$1,500
• Additional travel or notarization: varies by state

Cash Flow Planning

• Escrow funded before medications
• Legal milestone releases tied to PBO, post-birth order, or adoption steps
• International parents: allocate budget for expedited passport and extended hotel stays

What Improves Outcomes

High-Impact Actions

• Choose a surrogate in a state where your family structure is explicitly protected
• Confirm your parentage pathway before medical screening
• Start legal filings early (week 12–16)
• Ensure hospital receives parentage documents in advance
• Use attorneys who specialize in your exact state + family structure
• Clarify donor-gamete rights well before transfer

Low-Impact Actions

• Overly complex contract language
• Multiple attorneys reviewing the same clause
• Filing documents early without county clerk confirmation
• Repeating paperwork unless instructed by the court

Case Study

Situation:
A married male same-sex couple planned to work with a gestational carrier in Florida. They intended to use an embryo created from one father’s sperm and a donor egg. Their initial assumption was that Florida would grant both fathers parentage pre-birth.

Problem Identified:
County-level precedent required extra steps for non-genetic intended parents in same-sex couples.

Actions Taken:

1. Legal team reviewed counties—selected one with LGBTQ+ supportive judges.
2. Contract included detailed donor-gamete parentage clauses.
3. Filed a pre-birth order early; included an addendum for the second parent.
4. Hospital legal team received documents weeks in advance.
5. Birth certificate issued listing both fathers without requiring post-birth adoption.

Outcome:
A process that could have created delays and stress instead became predictable and efficient through early legal planning and careful county selection.

Mistakes to Avoid

• Picking a state based on “friendly reputation” without county-specific review
• Matching before confirming whether your marital status fits that state
• Overlooking donor-gamete implications for parentage
• Not preparing for confirmatory adoption when required
• Waiting until the third trimester to inform the hospital
• Assuming home-country rules will match U.S. parentage laws

FAQs

Q: Can single intended parents pursue surrogacy anywhere?

Ans :  Yes, but some states require post-birth steps or offer fewer PBO options.

Q: Are LGBTQ+ couples fully protected across the U.S.?

Ans :  Protection varies by state and county. Many are fully supportive; others require careful planning.

Q: Do unmarried couples need to be married for joint parentage?

Ans :  Not in most states, but some judges require marriage or genetic connection for both parents.

Q: What if we are using donor embryos?

Ans : You may need extra legal paperwork or an adoption-style step depending on the state.

Q: Do international parents have different requirements?

Ans :  Yes—citizenship rules and consulate paperwork may require genetic connection or additional legal documents.

Next Steps

• Free 15-min nurse consult
• Upload labs for a personalized pathway
• Get a state-specific cost breakdown for your surrogacy case

Related Links

• Legal ethics surrogacy
• Intended Parents
• Become a Surrogate
• Fixed‑Cost Packages
• SART
• CDC ART
• ASRM