What Couples Therapy Really Looks Like

Many intended parents view therapy as a last resort for a relationship in crisis. In the context of surrogacy, this is a fundamental misunderstanding. Think of couples therapy not as a reactive measure, but as a proactive support system.

It is a structured, skills-based process designed to help you and your partner manage the unique stresses of the surrogacy journey—from the initial decision-making to the postpartum transition—as a unified team.

The Core Framework: What You’ll Actually Work On

In therapy sessions tailored for intended parents, we focus on three critical pillars. This is where the real work happens.

1. Creating a Shared Language and Vision

The journey begins long before the embryo transfer. Disagreements can arise over everything from choosing an egg donor to the level of involvement with your surrogate.

• In Therapy, You Will: Learn communication techniques to discuss fears, hopes, and expectations without judgment. We facilitate conversations to ensure you are both aligned on your “why” and have a shared vision for your growing family.

• Expert Insight: A common stressor is mismatched excitement or anxiety levels. Therapy provides a neutral space to balance these emotions and get on the same page.

2. Navigating the “Third Party” Dynamic

Surrogacy introduces a unique dynamic where a third person is intimately involved in creating your family. This can bring up complex emotions about control, jealousy, and connection.

• In Therapy, You Will: Develop strategies for establishing healthy boundaries and a positive relationship with your surrogate. We work on processing feelings of “missing out” on the pregnancy experience and framing your surrogate’s role as a collaborative partnership.

• Expert Insight: The goal is to transform potential anxiety into a foundation of mutual respect and clear communication, which is crucial for a smooth journey.

3. Managing the Rollercoaster of Medical & Legal Stress

The surrogacy process is a series of highs and lows—from successful medical screenings to anxious waiting periods. This chronic stress can strain even the strongest relationships.

• In Therapy, You Will: Acquire practical coping mechanisms and stress-management tools. We focus on conflict resolution skills to prevent arguments about logistics from escalating into deeper relationship issues.

• Expert Insight: We treat the process itself as the “problem,” not your partner. This allows you to become allies against the stress, rather than opponents.

What a Typical Session Entails

Forget the stereotype of lying on a couch. Our sessions are active, conversational, and goal-oriented.

• Check-in: We start by assessing the current “pulse” of your journey and your relationship since the last session.

• Skill Building: I will teach a specific technique, such as “I feel” statements or active listening, to improve your communication.

• Focused Discussion: We apply that skill to a real-life challenge you’re facing, whether it’s related to an upcoming clinic appointment, communication with your agency, or a personal disagreement.

• Action Plan: We end with a concrete “homework” assignment—a simple task to practice your new skill before our next meeting.

Who is This For? Every Intended Parent Couple

Couples therapy is beneficial for:

• Pre-Journey Preparation: Solidifying your foundation before you begin.

• Mid-Process Support: Navigating unexpected setbacks or emotional fatigue.

• Transition to Parenthood: Preparing for the unique experience of bringing your baby home after a surrogacy pregnancy.

This is not a sign of weakness; it is a hallmark of strength and a commitment to your future family.