This section explores emotional resilience and self-care strategies to help trans men navigate the fertility process and interact with the medical system with confidence. There are three key aspects of psychological well-being to balance during this journey: support around gender identity, support through the fertility experience, and maintaining a sense of personal safety.
Trans men and non-binary individuals approach pregnancy in different ways, depending on their comfort levels, safety, and community support.
Some may choose to keep their pregnancy private—often referred to as “going stealth.” This allows them to live and be perceived as cisgender men, offering affirmation of their gender identity and, in many cases, enhanced personal safety. However, secrecy can also mean missing out on essential emotional and physical support, such as prenatal care groups, yoga classes, or simple daily empathy.
Others may choose to present as cisgender women during pregnancy, without disclosing their trans or non-binary identity. This may provide access to pregnancy resources and safety in certain environments, but it can also be emotionally painful to be misgendered or unseen in one’s true identity.
A third option is to be openly trans and pregnant. This path allows full authenticity and access to affirming pregnancy support, but it can also increase vulnerability to transphobia or discrimination. The right choice depends greatly on personal comfort and community context.
For instance, Trystan—featured in the video—shares his experience of being openly trans and pregnant while living in Portland, a relatively progressive community. While he faced minimal local discrimination and had access to supportive networks, his online experience was far harsher, demanding great resilience.
Many trans men and non-binary people also wrestle with questions like, “Can I still be a man or non-binary person if I’m pregnant?” Connecting with others who have had similar experiences—through in-person groups or online communities—can be incredibly validating and help reinforce that pregnancy does not define gender.
Parents often wonder how to explain their child’s conception story, especially when third-party reproduction or unique family structures are involved. Fortunately, inclusive children’s books such as “What Makes a Baby” offer a simple, gender-neutral way to explain reproduction—describing that babies are made with sperm, eggs, and a uterus, and that different people have different combinations of these.
Experts agree that honesty from the very beginning is the best approach. Historically, some parents avoided these conversations, but research shows that secrecy can cause confusion and distress later—especially in a world where genetic testing can easily reveal biological origins. Being open builds trust and helps children grow up secure and proud of their family’s story.
For parents of transgender individuals, the journey can bring up a range of emotions. Trystan offers several insights:
Be patient with yourself. It’s normal to grieve the expectations you once had. Allow yourself to process privately—without relying on your child to guide you through it.
Provide balanced support. It’s okay to help your child slow down when big life changes—like transitioning—are happening quickly. For example, reminding them to consider fertility preservation before medical transition can be an act of care.
Bear witness to your child’s experience. Acknowledge their struggle and let them know they are seen, heard, and loved.
In this segment, role-play examples illustrate how trans individuals can effectively advocate for themselves in medical settings. Some key techniques include:
Start with appreciation. Begin by acknowledging positive behavior before addressing issues.
Be specific. Focus on one incident rather than generalizing with “your staff always…”
Stay calm and clear. Polite firmness helps ensure your message is received without defensiveness.
Identify allies. Bring a supportive friend or partner to appointments when possible.
Use the “future trans person” strategy. If direct confrontation feels difficult, you can frame feedback as helping to improve care for future trans patients.
These strategies can make interactions more constructive and empowering. Remember, you don’t need to go through this process alone—seeking community, allies, and affirming professionals can make a significant difference.
Our job is to listen, to connect the dots between your needs, and to determine how we can best help you have your baby. If you’re asking how much does it cost for a surrogate, we’ll walk you through every step of the process to ensure there are no surprises.
To make an appointment with one of our counselors or physicians, please call (212) 661-7673 or email info@surrogacy4all.com. We look forward to hearing from you.
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