Deciding whether to try to conceive with one’s own eggs or to use donor eggs is often one of the most difficult choices a person will face. There is no definitive guide, and the weight of the decision can feel lifelong. For many, the suggestion of using donor eggs arrives suddenly, sometimes seeming “abrupt” or “premature,” and most individuals need time—often years—to process and mourn the loss of the possibility of using their own eggs. This period of reflection can reshape perceptions of parenthood, childhood, and personal relationships, and these evolving views may influence the final decision. Experts note that despite the complexity, most people weigh three primary factors when making this choice: medical information, emotional considerations, and financial circumstances. Understanding how each of these areas applies personally can help guide individuals through the decision-making process, providing clarity in a moment that feels overwhelming and deeply consequential.
During IVF, the number of eggs and embryos tends to decrease at each stage, and usually, the more eggs retrieved, the higher the chances of success. Many patients considering egg donation produce fewer eggs, but the quality of those eggs is strongly linked to age. For women under 38, studies show that even if fewer eggs are retrieved, each egg has a similar chance of resulting in a healthy embryo and a live birth. This means egg quantity and quality are not strongly connected in younger women, giving many doctors confidence to continue trying with their own eggs.
For women in their mid-40s, fewer eggs are produced, and each has a lower chance of becoming a viable embryo. IVF success rates drop significantly, and after several cycles, the odds are very low. Experts recommend seeking a second opinion and considering lab quality, but short delays rarely affect overall chances, whether using one’s own eggs or donor eggs.
Facing the possibility that one may not conceive with their own eggs often brings a long, deep grieving period. Hopeful parents may feel emotionally, physically, and financially drained from unsuccessful cycles, and the idea of using donor eggs can initially seem “abrupt” or “unsympathetic.” Many struggle with the notion of losing a genetic connection to their child, worrying that this may affect emotional bonding. Research, however, shows that parent-child relationships generally remain strong regardless of genetic ties. Biological connection can still be present through gestation, as carrying a child influences gene expression via epigenetics. Another concern is disclosure—how and when to tell the child and family about donor conception, which studies suggest is easier and healthier when introduced early. Emotional stamina and relationship dynamics also weigh heavily, as decisions can test couples and individuals. Fertility-focused mental health professionals can provide guidance, helping navigate grief, clarify objectives, and support decision-making throughout this challenging journey.
As discussed in other lessons, the cost of fertility treatment—and donor egg IVF specifically—varies widely across countries and even within regions. Financial considerations often play a significant role in deciding whether to use one’s own eggs or donor eggs. At a basic level, patients tend to weigh two factors: how much they are prepared to invest to bring home a baby, and the costs associated with achieving a reasonable chance of success. Willingness to invest depends on household income, savings, existing debts, future financial plans, and access to additional funds if needed. While IVF with donor eggs generally offers higher success rates, it also comes with higher costs, prompting patients to compare “cost to target” outcomes. Younger patients with lower egg counts may still have reasonable chances using less expensive options such as IUI or timed intercourse. Some may also consider adoption or fostering, which can be less costly paths to creating a family.
Our job is to listen, to connect the dots between your needs, and to determine how we can best help you have your baby. If you’re asking how much does it cost for a surrogate, we’ll walk you through every step of the process to ensure there are no surprises.
To make an appointment with one of our counselors or physicians, please call (212) 661-7673 or email info@surrogacy4all.com. We look forward to hearing from you.
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