Becoming a Single Mother - Do I Want to Become a Single Mother?

Women who wish to have a biologically related child can pursue intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF) with donor sperm.

• IUI is generally less expensive but also less effective than IVF.

• IVF has higher success rates but costs significantly more, especially if multiple cycles (each roughly $20,000) are required.

Conception can occur within months or take several years. Once pregnant, a woman carries for about nine months before giving birth. Costs may range from a few thousand dollars (for IUI) to over $100,000 (for multiple IVF cycles).

Providing a Child a Home: Adoption and Foster Care

Those wishing to adopt an infant typically go through an agency or attorney and must be selected by an expectant parent. This process often costs $30,000 or more and can take a year or longer.

By contrast, adopting or fostering an older child usually involves little or no cost and can move much faster — sometimes within months.

What Life Looks Like as a Single Mother

First Few Months

Early on, single mothers tend to rely heavily on family and friends for support. According to a Wellesley College study, only about 10% of single mothers paid for nannies or in-home childcare during this stage.

First Year of Life

Research comparing solo mothers and partnered mothers found no significant difference in emotional well-being after the child’s first year. Solo mothers often reported fewer challenges and perceived their babies as less fussy, despite spending slightly less time with them day-to-day.

Throughout Childhood

Contrary to popular belief, single mothers generally report facing a similar number of parenting challenges as mothers in two-parent homes. Many highlight the freedom to make decisions independently as a major advantage.

Children of solo mothers also show comparable emotional and psychological outcomes to those raised in two-parent families — a topic we’ll cover more in-depth in a later lesson.

Developing a Support Network for Your Child

A reliable support network is essential. Since most single mothers work, this often means having trusted people who can help with childcare, medical appointments, and emergencies.

You don’t need to have unlimited resources or family nearby — strong networks can be built from friends, other single mothers, and community support systems.

Developing a Support Network for Yourself

Many solo mothers begin building their families in their late 30s or 40s. This can mean forming new social circles, as peers may be at different life stages.

Groups like Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) offer valuable community, shared experiences, and friendship. These organizations exist worldwide and often become long-term sources of support and belonging.

Dating

For many women, choosing solo motherhood involves redefining earlier expectations about marriage or partnership. After becoming a single mother, priorities may shift — but interest in dating often remains. Studies show mixed results, though anecdotally, dating is a frequent topic in single-mother forums and support groups.

Reliable but Flexible Careers

In the U.S., raising a middle-class child costs roughly $230,000 over 18 years, excluding college. With one income, job stability becomes especially important.

Research shows that single mothers by choice can face greater financial strain, which may affect both maternal and child well-being. For this reason, many seek employment in stable professions (like education or accounting) or organizations with family-friendly policies offering maternity leave, flexible schedules, and childcare benefits.

Preferred Work Roles

Many single mothers prioritize roles that allow flexibility — the ability to work remotely, choose hours, or avoid excessive travel and last-minute deadlines. These accommodations can make balancing work and parenting more manageable.

A Male Role Model in Your Child’s Life

In a study of over 200 single mothers by choice, 97% said it was “very or somewhat important” for their child to have a male role model. Most already had this presence in their child’s life — through family members, friends, or mentors — and did not view it as a concern.