In domestic infant adoption, the process and order of steps can differ depending on your state laws and whether you’re working with an agency or pursuing a private (independent/direct placement) adoption.
To help you understand the main ideas, we’ll simplify the overall process — though a few details may vary in your individual experience.
Most adoptions include about 8–10 essential steps, which we’ll summarize here. The meaning and responsibility for each step can change depending on your state and adoption type. We’ll explore each one more deeply in later lessons.
Become Eligible to Adopt
Complete the requirements that demonstrate to state authorities that you are mentally, physically, and financially ready to adopt.
Create Your Family Profile
Prepare a book, video, or website with photos and stories about you and your family so expectant parents can get to know you.
Match With an Expectant Family
Be introduced to an expectant family that feels like a good fit — a mutual match for both sides.
Complete Due Diligence
Receive verified details about the pregnancy, medical history, and background of the expectant family.
Build a Relationship
Communicate through in-person meetings, calls, or online sessions to learn about each other and confirm compatibility.
Provide Counseling for the Expectant Family
Ensure emotional and legal counseling is available so the process is handled ethically and smoothly before, during, and after placement.
Ensure Legal Compliance
Review all state laws, consents, and procedures to confirm everything is handled properly regarding compensation and parental rights.
Create a Hospital Plan
Decide who will be present during delivery, what roles each person will have, and how the transition will occur.
Sign Relinquishment Documents
The expectant parent(s) formally relinquish their parental rights — sometimes with a short period in which they can change their decision.
Obtain the Court Order of Adoption
This final legal step occurs after the revocation period ends, which may be hours or months depending on state law.
There are two main types of domestic infant adoption:
Agency Adoptions
Private (Independent or Direct Placement) Adoptions
In an agency adoption, a state-licensed agency manages most or all of the adoption steps. Agencies typically offer:
Counseling, education, and ongoing support.
Coordination of legal work (often handled by in-house or partnered attorneys).
A structured, guided experience for both adoptive and expectant families.
In a private adoption, families work primarily with an attorney who coordinates key steps and ensures legal compliance. Attorneys may also collaborate with social workers for home studies and other services.
Families often take a more active role, using social media or online tools to connect with expectant parents.
In four states, private adoptions are not allowed — agencies must facilitate even if both families find each other independently.
In most states, however, both agency and private adoptions are legal. Efficiency varies, and there’s little concrete data showing which is faster. What matters most is that every party is treated ethically, has access to support, and never feels rushed or pressured.
Costs are generally similar for both types of adoption — around $35,000 to $45,000 on average.
Private adoptions can sometimes cost slightly less, but the difference (usually within 10–20%) isn’t dramatic.
Most adoptive parents match with a family within the first year, and timelines are generally similar whether working with an agency or an attorney.
Speed depends largely on the adoptive parents’ flexibility, including:
Openness to ongoing communication with birth parents.
Willingness to adopt a child of any gender, race, or background.
Comfort with possible prenatal exposure to substances like drugs or alcohol.
Adoption isn’t a transaction — it’s a lifelong commitment that must feel right for everyone. Sometimes, matches fall through if expectant parents choose to parent their baby or select another family.
Reliable data is limited, but estimates suggest this happens in 20%–50% of cases.
Expectant parents who are well-informed and emotionally supported tend to feel more confident in their choices and are less likely to change their plans.
Even so, prospective adoptive parents should understand that expectant parents have the legal and ethical right to change their minds — and many do.
In some private adoptions, families work with facilitators who help with marketing and matching (Steps 2 and 3).
Facilitators are highly regulated or banned in some states, while allowed in others such as California, Pennsylvania, and Florida.
Critics argue that facilitators and some attorneys may charge high fees without providing emotional or long-term support.
Because adoption involves sensitive emotions and vulnerable individuals, all families should have access to qualified professionals who can guide them ethically through every step.
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