As Samantha Jo-Dato explains, the fertility process can be deeply uncomfortable for many trans women, especially when their sense of identity is closely connected to their physical appearance. Preparing for the emotional and physical sacrifices involved can make the journey easier. Seeking free therapy resources, joining support groups, or connecting with peers who share similar experiences can provide invaluable comfort and understanding.
In this section, we’ll explore key resiliency strategies to help trans women navigate both the fertility process and the broader medical system with confidence and emotional stability.
There are three essential aspects of psychological wellness to balance during this time: maintaining support for your gender identity, finding guidance and reassurance throughout the fertility journey, and fostering a strong sense of personal safety. Addressing all three areas can help ensure that your fertility journey feels more supported, grounded, and affirming to your overall well-being.
Many parents wonder how to explain to their children the story of how they came to be. Fortunately, there are now wonderful books designed to help children understand their origins in an age-appropriate and inclusive way. One example is What Makes a Baby, which describes in gender-neutral terms that three things are needed to create a baby—sperm, eggs, and a uterus—and that different bodies have different combinations of these. It’s a simple, affirming way to explain the roles of everyone involved in their creation.
Psychologists today emphasize the importance of honesty from the very beginning. Unlike in the past, when parents often avoided discussing donor conception or surrogacy, research now shows that openness supports a child’s emotional well-being and trust. With the rise of consumer genetic testing, children conceived through donor sperm or eggs will likely discover the truth eventually, making early transparency the healthiest approach.
Trystan offers thoughtful advice for parents of transgender children. One key message is to be patient with yourself. Parents often form expectations about their child’s identity long before birth, many of which are tied to gender. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss or confusion, so allow yourself time to process these emotions. Seek therapy or support, but don’t rely on your child to guide you through that healing journey.
Trystan also reminds parents that it’s okay to be both supportive and steady. Your child may want to move quickly—such as beginning transition or skipping fertility preservation—but it’s appropriate to gently set boundaries while affirming their feelings.
Finally, he emphasizes the importance of bearing witness to your child’s experience. Let them know you see and hear them, validating their emotions and identity. Being present, patient, and compassionate builds the strongest foundation for lasting trust and love.
This section features role-plays between a trans person and a medical provider, highlighting practical self-advocacy strategies. Key approaches include starting feedback with a positive note to avoid defensiveness, and addressing specific incidents rather than general complaints—explaining why a particular action or comment was upsetting or potentially transphobic.
It’s important to stand your ground politely; getting emotional can make providers less receptive. Identify allies in your care team and involve them when needed. If giving direct feedback feels uncomfortable, you can frame it hypothetically: explain how a situation could affect a future trans patient.
Remember, you don’t have to navigate appointments alone—bringing a supportive friend and setting expectations beforehand can help.
The role-plays in these videos aim to empower you to advocate effectively for yourself. Fertility journeys can be long and emotional, but with patience, support, and self-advocacy, many trans people find the process deeply rewarding.
Talk with our physician-led team about your family, embryos, timeline and budget. We’ll explain your options and next steps with no obligation.
Our job is to listen, to connect the dots between your needs, and to determine how we can best help you have your baby. If you’re asking how much does it cost for a surrogate, we’ll walk you through every step of the process to ensure there are no surprises.
To make an appointment with one of our counselors or physicians, please call (212) 661-7673 or email info@surrogacy4all.com. We look forward to hearing from you.
Since 2006, Surrogacy4All has helped intended parents in the United States and around the world build their families through physician-led gestational surrogacy and egg donation.
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Disclaimer: THIS WEBSITE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE AND MAY BE OUT OF DATE. The information, including but not limited to text, PDFs, graphics, images, and other material contained on this website, is for general educational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not create a patient-doctor relationship. Pricing on the website may be out of date, is subject to change without notice, and may be subject to additional terms and conditions. No information on this site is intended to be a financial quote for medical services. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition, lifestyle or dietary changes, treatments, and before undertaking a new healthcare regimen. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.
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